Friday, May 22, 2015

The Best TV Show of the 90s is "The Baby-Sitters Club."

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Kelly : We're here!

Katie: We have our wine!

Kelly: Wine times!

Katie wanted you to see our francy glasses.

Did you say you remembered this show before we watched? I definitely remember watching it.  I do not remember thinking it was super great.  Not nearly as good as the books. But what ever really is? #deepthoughts

Katie: I don't remember watching them on TV, but def remember renting the shows from Blockbuster.  #RIP. I remember getting them specifically for sleepovers, very excitedly. And judging which would be the good episodes based on the picture on the movie box cover. Literally, judging something by its cover.

Kelly: Excellent entertainment option. FYI, our childhood Blockbuster is now a Papa John's.

Katie: What isn't a Papa John's now?

Kelly: #deepcrust

Katie: Did you remember any specific storyline book or show wise?

Kelly: I remember there was a whole drama llama about stealing and it involved Claudia but apparently I had all the salient details wrong.

Katie: SPOILER ALERT - WE'LL GET TO THAT LATER. You hated Claudia. You went in with a lot of preconceived notions of hatred and judgment.

Kelly: She was always like, "I’m Claudia, I make my own clothes and probably can peaches or something stupid." Like, get them at the store like everyone else, CLAUDIA. She's all, is this Pinterest free range? Do you have organic soy chai crop tops? All my complaints about Claudia sound like Drunk Uncle bits.

Katie: She wore tiny glasses in her earrings.

Kelly: You thought she just kept her glasses hanging off her ears when they weren't hanging on her face. I had to rewind to prove to you they were too tiny to be anything but full-time earrings.

Full-time Earrings. No-time Actually Glasses.

Katie: I mean it's a smart idea - for when she finds a tiny dog to instagram. It’s totally something Claudia would do. The dog would be sitting on a can of peaches.

Kelly: "These are found-art earrings." What I definitely remember, besides not liking Claudia, were the Kid Kits, which you did not remember. But they are a legitimate good idea.  They're like boxes of arts and crafts supplies to entertain the kids. That's so good.

Katie: I did not remember because I didn’t read the books. I just remember hair, boys, and being honest.

Kelly: The books were stellar. So many dreamy boys.  And the boys on the show were never as dreamy.

Katie: The first episode we watched was “Mary Anne and the Brunettes” from January 1, 1990. You cannot get any closer to the beginning of 1990 than that.

Kelly: You literally cannot.

Katie: I wrote, “Mallory loved reading, which is what Kelly always loved, so Kelly’s Mallory,” which is a fair assessment. If I’m Ferguson, you're Mallory.

Kelly: I always identified with Mary Anne too because she was so shy.

Katie: I think I always liked Dawn because she was a free spirit that liked to recycle, and she was the prettiest. And Kristy because she was bossy and I liked being in control. I still do, but not to that extent.

Kelly: I did like Kristy.

Katie: Kristy has some growing up to do. And soul searching to do. Because . . . she’s gay, right?

Kelly: She might definitely be a lovely, lesbian lady.

Katie: She like HATED boys and LOVED large baseball caps.

Kelly: She had no fashion sense.

Katie:  Mallory didn’t either. Mallory wore like lederhosen.

Kelly: No one had fashion sense but Claudia to be honest. And even she could get it wrong sometimes.

Katie: Claudia got it wrong frequently WITH HATS. Claudia wore a square hat.

Square hat for all the square heads

Kelly: Hats were not her forte, but she did seem to think they were.

Katie: Baubles were her forte.

Claudia missing the mark

Kelly: Ok, back to the first episode.

Katie: So, three BIMBIS, “the brunettes,” set out to steal Logan, the "southern gentleman dreamboat" for Mary Anne.

Kelly: We meet Logan, who is supposed to be dreamy. He was not dreamy.

Katie: He was supposed to be southern. He was not southern. This character has ONE trait. Let’s cast someone that can't do a southern accent.

Kelly: I had to explain to you that he was supposed to be southern in the books because it did not "translate," as they say, to the screen. We both thought we could do a better accent. You could not.

Katie: I could before wine, not so much after wine.

Kelly: You said, and I quote, "Hey Mary Anne, why you b-hole so tight?" as if it were a common phrase in the south.

Katie: “WHY YOU SO TIGHT BAE?” said all southern gentleman.

Kelly: Bae caught me slippin out of my accent. TV's Logan was clearly a Canadian who would occasionally give a word or two what he thought was a southern twist.

Katie: With “haaaaay”

Kelly:  Hay cuz he's southern.

Katie: I wrote down that Kristy said someone was the 'mookiest' at one point and I’m still not certain that isn't a racial slur.

Kelly: I only know one Mookie and that's from Do the Right Thing.

Katie: I know 0 Mookies, so you're the mookie expert right now.

Kelly: There were some dope tights that I would totally wear right now, this very day.


Katie: And because of the BSC, you know the tights go well with skates.

Kelly: Fun, sexy times at the public skating rink.

Katie: So these three bimbi brunettes have a ring leader who wants to steal Logan. The BSC is skating and Mary Anne is all like, “It’s ok Kristy, I know these bimbis want my Canadian southern gentleman, but I don't get mad because I’m a wet wad doormat.” And Kristy gets all upset. It was an intense upsetness for someone not in the relationship, but it was friendship and felt real because Mary Anne was so annoying to cheer for.

Kelly: Yeah, I would have told her to nut up too.

Katie: In the end, Logan the Lumberjack Gentleman chooses Mary Anne anyway. And Kelly doesn’t get to wear the tights.

Kelly: Sad day for me. And they had to go to a middle school fair, which was a sad day for everyone. Most depressing fair ever.

Middle School Fair--depressing as fuck.

Kelly: BUT we got to see Pete from Pete and Pete. Not Pete, though, just Pete. That was the highlight. And the leggings. Pete and Pete Pete and Leggings.

Pete and Pete Pete horrified by the shitshow of the fair

Kelly: For the second episode when we watched, “Claudia and the Missing Jewels,” we had the evening's lowest moment. Meeting “Judy Jody” Julie. The plot is that Claudia made earrings that she was selling at yet another middle school fair, and a rich lady wanted to sell them in her store. For some reason, Claudia takes the earrings to Kristy’s house, wherein a small child steals them and gives them to JJJ as a present.  A present that JJJ unquestioningly accepts.

Katie: I think Julie turned out to be the best, in the worst possible way. We start off with Kristy complaining the shit out of someone named Julie as if we're supposed to know who that is and all the BSC are commiserating over how bad she is.

JJJ just being JJJ

Kelly: JJJ was like a maid who didn't clean, or a babysitter who didn't sit. I’m unsure. We do know that she would pick up dry cleaning.

Katie: I wrote down that she “folds.”

Kelly: Fold and do some, but perhaps not all, errands. Hope she came cheap. She can also be a total dingbat who would take an expensive present from a small child and never question where a four-year-old might have found employment to earn wages to pay for such items. Perhaps she thinks the child is independently wealthy, except that she works inside the house and can see that that is not in fact the case.

Katie: “A 4-year-old gave me these earrings; I assume she purchased them and paid the proper sales tax and that in no way did she steal them from her older sister's room.”

Kelly: “Even though I was in said room and saw similar items to said earrings.” She must have assumed that the small child had purchased in bulk.

EXHIBIT A: JJJ finds the earrings in Kristy’s room

EXHIBIT B: JJJ wearing the EXACT SAME EARRINGS she now claims were a present

Katie: The four-year old in question, I think she was actually 8, was Kristy’s younger sister. She was a cute kid and it was sad how much Kristy hated her.

Kelly: Yeah that was depressing. I gave up on life after that episode.

Katie: I wrote at one point you were trying to figure out who the culprit was, and I laughed because it's a show for 12-year-olds and you were really into it.

Kelly: They really had me tricked with JJJ. I didn't put it past her.

Katie: You're as bad as Kristy - just throwing around allegations!

Kelly: Even if she wasn't the culprit, she was still criminally idiotic. LOCK HER UP.

Katie: We have 3 more episodes! We had “Dawn and the Dream Boy,” episode 7. We learned the BSC only had 1 season air. The show only ran for 3 months.

Kelly: But it made such an impression!

Katie: I kept calling Mallory a troll. I gave her a troll voice. She would just like, appear at the foot of the bed, or sidle up to Dawn and say something troll-y.

Trolls aren’t allowed into the circle of friendship hugs

Trolls are most comfortable close to the ground and stuck in corners

Lederhosen. Now for trolls.

Kelly: You did not like that girl.

Katie: Do you remember commenting, "The shins are the penis of the legs"?

Kelly: HA. What was I on about? #deepthoughts

Katie: BECAUSE Dawn falls in love with a soccer player who was so brash he didn't wear socks that covered his shin guards.

Kelly: It’s a bad look. Cover 'em up. Cover ‘em up, boys.

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Not keeping it in his pants in front of Pete and Pete Pete

Katie: That was a tricky episode because Dawn's dreamboat ended up falling for Mary Anne. The dreamboat being the one with penis for shins.

Kelly : Shinis.

Katie: Penshins.

Kelly: She had a penchant for penshins. There was a party, too. And they made the kids do all the decorations.

Katie: You were really upset by how dismal the school party decorations were.

Kelly: They have the worst school events. Then there was “Stacey’s Big Break,” the episode in which Stacey becomes a model. Ironically in an episode about fashion, Kristy’s lack of fashion sense was full-blown awful. She wore that giant shirt to a fashion show with fashion people. She is either totes clueless or so balls out, hardcore, don't-give-a-faaaaaack it’s unreal.

Kristy going balls to the wall at the fashion show

Katie: We got so angry because everyone made Stacey feel bad because she missed a stupid play with the stupid kids. And it wasn't even like a play for the town or the Pope, just for each other. So she put her LIFE ON HOLD OF BEING A PROFESSIONAL MODEL to see a stupid dining room play.

Kelly: Like literally in the living room of someone's house and not even parents were invited. She was paying for COLLEGE and they wanted her to watch some shit play.

Katie: College education bad, living room play good. You’re such a B, Stacey. Why you b-hole so tight, Stacey?

Kelly: You need to get your priorities straight, Stacey, children's tender little feelings first, the REST OF YOUR LIFE second. Or third, we don't care. There was something about that she needed to be there because some girl didn't want to “act” without her. And to that I say, fire the brat and hire a new one out of the audience of literally twenty available children. Available because there are no parents there ever. No one even took pictures. If my kids were being adorable and no one told me or took pictures for me, I’d be very sad as a parent. Put a damn camera in your Kid Kit! What was the point of that play? I’m mad at it. It’s made me mad now.

Katie: Pete and Pete Pete did a good job being a dwarf, so there was that. And you ranked the BSC girls. You said Stacey was the 5th prettiest which is ABSURD.

Kelly: Both Claudia and Mary Anne would land a Sassy or Seventeen cover before Stacey.

Katie: Mary Anne was so bleh! Dawn was cool.

Kelly: Dawn had a terrible voice, but that's my main/only complaint about her. The last episode was some flashback episode of made up flashbacks that I did not pay a second of attention to. So, Question Time!

The Wrap-Up

What is your take away from this show?

Katie: I thought that they were so mature and understanding, for the most part. But we felt we would have connected more if they made more mistakes.

Kelly: Except when it came to Judy Jody Julie, but I don't fault them for that. They were a good example of how to handle your frustrations with your friends.

Katie: Yeah, examples I could live by today as a 30 year old. Also, girls be bitches all the time, except for Claudia, so don't judge a book when you're 9 years old and carry that into your 30s.

Kelly: Be more forgiving of your friends' mistakes. That's #deepthoughts. Let me rephrase: Know that you can always count on me and I can count on you.  Good times bad times in between; my friends will see me through.

Katie: The show also led the way to an amazing Larisa Oleynick movie.

Which character would you be?

Kelly: Ooh, toughie! I think it has to be Kristy because she was Bossy McBossypants and also a tomboy. I was not nice and neat enough to be Mary Anne. And I was not cool enough to be Stacey or Claudia.

Katie: I’d think you were more of a Mary Anne, but you get to choose your own destiny here. I hope to god I wasn't Mallory. I was definitely Kristy. Tomboy, sporty, bossy, annoying.

Kelly: And you liked oversized t-shirts.

Katie: Oh god did I like them.

Kelly: You would have fit right in to the BSC.

Who would be your Tiger Beat Pull-Out Poster?

Katie: DAWN'S DREAMBOY. Penshins.

Kelly: You don't want Logan?

Katie: He had a stupid accent and was also a wet wad. And seemed to only like wet wads and I’m not a wet wad. Are you a wet wad?

Kelly: I’m not. I do not want Logan.

Katie: Do you want Pete and Pete Pete?

Kelly: I am not into sexualizing children, so no, I do not want Pete and Pete Pete. I know there were other boys in the books, but not in the episodes we saw.  There was a whole episode of "boysitters" that we skipped for some reason. We stupidly limited our dream dates to a very small pool.  But if I were Mary Anne, I’d have to take Logan. And if I were Kristy, I’d be "too busy with sports."

Katie: Oh, very true.

Would you watch BSC again for simple enjoyment?

Katie: I would watch the movie over for sure; in fact I might have watched the movie about 3 weeks ago because it popped up on Netflix. The show? Maybe not, unless I was like 4 mugs deep into wine. Maybe the question should be "How many mugs of wine deep must you be to watch this for enjoyment?" In this case – 4.

Kelly: I wouldn't watch it for enjoyment, but I might watch it if I needed some advice on how to handle bratty kids.

Katie: Or what leggings to wear with rollerskates.

Bimbi count: The three brunettes and Mary Anne


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Kelly: Mary Anne was the bimbi because all the boys wanted her. She stole Stacey’s boy. Or Dawn’s. I get those two confused.

Katie: She stole Dawn's boy.

Kelly: Pretty bimbi move, Mary Anne.

Katie: And WE STARTED A TURTLENECK COUNT VS MOCK TURTLENECK COUNT. But there were so many we lost count.

Kelly: It was out of control.

Party rating: 3-3.5

3 Party.jpg

Katie: I’d give it half of the hot guy. Can we do half?

Kelly: No.

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