Monday, June 8, 2015

The Best TV Show of the 90s is "All That."

Katie: I kind of hated all that of "All That" and wanted it to end all that sooner. 

Kelly: I have to say, I did not TOTALLY hate it.  But it was filmed before a live studio audience in Orlando, and you seemed sad you never got to be an audience member.

Katie: That sound stage was a mecca for kids like me.  I think I ended up being so disappointed with "All That" because I had pretty high hopes before it started. Note to self: always set the bar low for the 90s.

Kelly: In the opening credits, I couldn't get over for a second how little Keenan was. He was a baby!

Katie: I forgot they used a trampoline in the opening, and I would like to say that this is the best use of trampoline in a show we've seen yet. So that's one point for "All That."

Kelly: Well, award given then! I also want to point out how the trampoline was an excellent way to highlight the butt-cuttiness of Josh's buttcut. Which I clearly haven't decided if it’s one or two words.

Katie: Is that a point for or against the trampoline?

Kelly: Against.

Katie: Well, award taketh away then! 

Kelly: I noted that in the opening minutes of the first episode we watched that I laughed and then noted out loud to you that I had laughed.

Katie: Laurie Beth Denburg had a great "applesauce line."

Kelly: They were trying to get a guy out of the room and they told them that they needed him somewhere else because there was a problem and he goes, "What's the problem?" And they were all, "Uh, with the applesauce." And he goes "What's the problem with the applesauce?" And LBD goes, "Um...they can't get it started." That's hilarious. 

Katie: I think the point is here, LBD had great delivery that is standing the test of time (from 90's to 10's).

Kelly: And I see now that yes, it's all in the delivery.

Katie: Right, because your delivery on here isn't great.

Kelly: It's still funny in my head.

Katie: I also feel like LBD should be a big star right now. She seemed to have so much gravitas and awareness and delivery! She should have been Melissa McCarthy before Melissa McCarthy was Melissa McCarthy.

Kelly: She paved the way. Melissa McCarthy stands on Lori Beth's shoulders.

Katie: However, we were slightly disturbed early on when LBD played the mother in a sketch while the father... was played by an ACTUAL ADULT. Not another child actor, which would make sense, but LBD child actress married to an adult. I don't care that she was 18 or whatever, it's still weird.

Kelly: I have your quote of the evening, which was, said in a very even tone, "Is the child married to the man?"

Katie: It was a question I was scared to ask but had to ask. #deep90sthoughts

Kelly: What was worse was that the childbrideness of that sketch was like the least offensive thing in it, because we met Ishboo who, we are told, is "foreign." I believe they called him "as foreign as it gets." Which is as racist as it gets.

Katie: You said, and I quote, "Wow, pretty racist."

Kelly: I'm not an Ishboo fan.

Racism, Child Bride, Full-grown Adult
Katie: You don't like racism? You want to put that on the permanent record?

Kelly: Please.

Katie: FOR THE PERMANENT RECORD: Kelly: Not a fan of sexual children, child slavery, racism.

Kelly: Me in a nutshell. I'm also vehemently not a Vital Information fan, despite your love of LBD.

Katie: RIGHT? I wrote down "maybe it was fine when we were kids? Do we remember liking it?" Because I think I enjoyed Vital Information as a child. But I also enjoyed picking my nose. So...

Kelly: I remember not liking it so much. I like it less now.

Katie: But there was Josh, who despite his butthair, was cute and like a baby Jim Carrey.

Kelly: He was a pretty decent physical actor. And, as you noted, a pretty fine lady.

Katie: He did drag SO WELL!

Kelly: I made sure we got an episode with Pierre Escargot. I'm glad we did.

Katie: You did indeed. Kenan was also a pretty excellent actor for being such a young baby. A couple of times he would slightly "break" and it was cute and funny. And he had the wherewithal to not completely break (ahem, Jimmy Fallon).

Kelly: It was very endearing.

[insert french laugh]

Katie: Can we talk about the next most disturbing thing (second only to outlandish racism)? Mrs. Fingerly and her teacher's pets.

Kelly: I don't want to talk about that. I don't understand it and I won't respond to it.

Katie: Listen Seaward, this is our job, we have to talk about it.

Kelly: Fine: It was weird. I didn't get it. It made me uncomfortable. I didn't laugh.

Katie: Two students fight over being LBD's Mrs. Fingerly's teacher's pet. In their attempts to woo her to be the class favorite, they crossed the line several times with massages and their words. Also, her name was Fingerly and the Principals name was Pimple... pronounced Pim-pell. GET IT?

Kelly: No.
Nothing to see here.
Katie: In Episode 234 we got a Goodburger sketch.

Kelly: I felt like it was our duty, although I was never a big Goodburger fan. But we DID get some surprise Mowrey sisters action.

Katie: Tia and Tamara guest starred to raucous outlandish applause from the live studio audience.

Kelly: They were Sister Sister, so no doy.

No Doyburger
Katie: I wasn't a fan as a child of Goodburger, but I think it was my favorite sketch of what we watched. Kel actually made me laugh and I enjoyed his "I'm a Dude" song.

Kelly: Another Kel sketch was my favorite. So points for Kel! In my fave, Kel is supposed to meet a blind date who will be wearing a ribbon in her hair. He sees a goat and goes out with her instead. I feel like it's not translating to paper here, but I promise it was funny in the end.

Katie: We need LBD’s delivery skills here.

Kelly: What are you trying to say, Katie? 

Kelly:  You got really concerned when they used the phrase "such a tube" and you went to because you were convinced it would be there. You wouldn't look up "mook" from BSC, but you'd look up "tube."

Katie: I did look up tube! I had little hope I'd really find anything online anywhere, but knew if it was going to be somewhere, it would be the good old and it was there! And "tube" definitely did not catch on. Nice try, "All That." Minus one point.

Kelly: I feel like with the points deducted for racism,  "All That" is barely breaking even.

Katie: I guess it really isn't all that.

Kelly: "All That"? More like "All That Racism."

Katie: "All That Child Bridery."

Kelly: I was about to say they should have just stuck with Keenan and Kel, since those were clearly the bright spots. But then I realized that's exactly what they did when they did "Keenan and Kel." So.

Katie: I was so ready to be done watching, but then you made us find an episode that had Amanda Bynes.

Kelly: Yeah, again. Duty called. It was her inaugural show though, so I don't really feel like we got the full Amanda experience.

Katie: She was so young and everyone looked so old, and John no longer had butthair.
We definitely didn't get to see lots of Amanda, but we all know she did well because she had her own spin-off show, and then she spun off this world.

Kelly: But you did seem pretty darn done with it all [that].

Katie: I was done with it all, and I'm done with it all again.

Kelly: Well then it's Question Time!

The Wrap-Up

What was your take-away?

Katie: Set a low bar when considering the 90's. LBD should have gotten her own show. All that was not all that.

Kelly: Bad jokes just get worse with age. Keenan's great no matter what age.

Katie: Kelly loves when people date goats.

Kelly: I love beautiful friendships, Katie. I won't be ashamed of that.

Which character would you be?

Katie: Katrina! We didn't even talk about her! Small but wise. She could play old or young. Also my best childhood friend was named Katrina, so I felt like All That's Katrina could easily be my other best childhood friend. That's how beautiful friendships actually work.

Kelly: I always felt like I should like Kel more than I did because we had the same name. But I liked Lori Beth's rude 'tude.

Who would be your Tiger Beat Pull-Out Poster?

Katie: I think the obvious answer here is Josh, with or without butthair, but I think I'm gonna go with Kel. He was much cuter than I remember.

Kelly: Josh was supposed to be the dreamy one, but Keenan was always adorbs to me.

Would you watch All That for simple enjoyment?

Katie: No. I might watch the pilot episode of "All That Lori Beth Denberg" because I want to support her, but that's as close as I'd get.

Kelly: I wouldn't turn it off if it were on and the remote was far away and I was kinda doing something else anyway.

Bimbi count: 1

Katie: Well - the hot latina actress was a bimbi. Especially on that terrible 'island girls' sketch. Should have been called "LBD on an island with a bimbi"

Kelly: Ugh, there's a reason we didn't discuss her. Should have been called, "Now's a Good Time to Take a Dump." She was a bimbi to top all bimbis. Let's leave the count at 1.

Katie: Fair.

The Party rating: 2/5

Kelly: One point each for Keenan and Kel.

Katie: I was struggling between 2 and 3, so I'll take your two.

Kelly: Fair.