The Best TV Show of the 90s is: The Best TV Show of the 90s is “Hey Dude.”

Katie: So, did you remember any specific episode before we started watching?

Kelly: No, I didn’t really. You said you did? You were only 6 years old.

Katie: Yeah, I remember when they find out on the ranch that Brad’s family made their money because they made toilet paper and she was really embarrassed. I remember thinking, as a 6 year old, that that wasn’t embarrassing. But we couldn’t watch that episode because it was from 1989. And that was really sad for me.

Kelly: You could watch it privately if it means that much to you.

Katie: I think I might.

Kelly: I thought the first episode we watched was very representative of the show that I remember, in that it was pretty boring and forgettable.

Katie: Yes, I agree. I believe the first episode we watched was called “Superstar” because Bobby Rodgers, who played on some made-up TV show the first teenage fighter pilot, had to come learn to ride a horse.

Kelly: I wrote down that someone made a "canter-lope" joke. It was probably Danny. He had the worst lines.

Katie: Danny had the worst everything, including the worst neck.

Kelly: And the biggest head.

Danny’s Big Head

Seriously, it’s big.

Katie: Poor Danny. Even as a kid I knew Danny wasn't a good actor. A 7-year-old talent spotter. And I did not spot it with him.

Kelly: I really think it was good to have an actual Native American in a show filmed in Arizona, but I don't want to believe that Danny was the height of talent to be found in Native actors.

Katie: I also remembered thinking as a kid, “How did this ranch stay in business?” It always seemed so empty.

Kelly: And the main guy only seemed to hire children to work there.

Katie: Mr. Ernst. I hated him as a kid, and I hate him now.

Kelly: He's awful, that we can agree. I would avoid him in the halls if I worked with him. But I avoid most people in the halls that I work with, so that's not saying much.

Katie: It would be hard to avoid, because it seems like only 6 people were employed there.

Kelly: Yeah, and Melody was NEVER at the pool. How many children died on her watch?

Katie: Well no one was swimming! They had no guests.

Kelly: I think you will find when we discuss "Sewn at the Hip" that they had SOME guests. Some guests who were inappropriately dragged into teenage angst.

Katie: Ok, let’s talk about the best part of the show—THE THEME SONG!

Kelly: Oh yes. I did not, before viewing, remember the theme beyond "heeyyyy duuuuuuude.” But as soon as it started, I remembered all the words.

Katie: You did!

Kelly: And I sang it for you for every episode, which was nice of me.

Katie: You wanted me to be impressed that you remembered it. But BEFORE we watched, I could have sung the whole thing.

Now the fashion. When you saw Brad you said, “I thought she had on riding pants, but I think it's just 90’s pants.” But then we realized it was the worst and they were 90’s riding pants, which basically looked like 90’s pants.

Kelly: They were bad, and not bad in a 90’s cool way. Just bad.

Bad pants

Katie: In the 2nd episode, we saw some more nice pants. I thought they were jeans with chaps built in and you thought they were chaps with a denim diaper built in.

Kelly: I’m telling you they were.

Katie: I think you were right.

Kelly: Thank you.

Diaper pants

Kelly: In the first episode, Brad was a giant, giant bitch. I remembered her being kind of cold and standoffish, which I can appreciate in a person. But she was a brat.

Katie: She was burdened with hiding her family secret so long of making TP. Now if there’s one thing to say about “Hey Dude,” it's that it was pretty darn innocent. Holding hands was a big deal, boy-girl dates were a big deal, no sexual innuendos.

Kelly: Oh yeah, I liked that. Cuz it's way weird and creepy when young characters are all sex-crazed. I’m not into sexual children.

Katie: I’m glad that’s on the record.

Kelly: Me too. In case anyone asks. You have not yet recorded your vote, yay or nay, on sexual children. I’m just gonna tick the nay box for you though, ok?

Katie: Oh yes! Please do. Nay nay nay. Children, you stay young, ya hear me?

Kelly: Listen to the lady.

Katie: Can we get to the sweater-clad elephant in the room? The steely-eyed sweater-clad elephant. The last episode we watched.

Kelly: Yeah, I don't have a lot to say about the other episodes. But I have some feelings about Season 3, Episode 5. That was seriously dark and weird.

Katie: It was called “Sewn at the Hip,” which I think is a weird title for this episode and makes me feel even more uncomfortable.

Kelly: It’s a creepy title. But fitting, I think, because that episode was crazy. Single white female crazy.

Katie: I wrote "Scariest Episode Ever.”

Kelly: Ok, first of all, this friend announces her imminent arrival with a postcard that said, “Ready or not.”No name, no nothing. That in and of itself is terrifying. And somehow Melody was supposed to get that it was her friend. It was clear from the very beginning that this girl had created an entire non-existent relationship.

Katie: Yeah, because of their inside joke of “ready or not, here I come," a phrase no one else knows about and only they know about it and shame on Melody for not remembering it was her phrase with this crazy girl. Melody probably said it one time and the friend remembers it was at 4:37 pm on Thursday, September 10th and wrote it down in her Melody journal which she keeps next to a Melody hair doll.

Kelly: She definitely had a hair doll.

Katie: So this chick from Melody's past shows up—

Kelly: So this bitch shows up to Melody's WORK and insists that Melody hang out with her.

Katie: And she won’t even give Brad the time of day. She probably DID judge Brad because of toilet paper.

Kelly: And when Melody is like, “Uh, hey, I’m working?” bitch was all “SURPRISE! I got a job here too!” Surprise bitch, I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.

Katie: I got a job here, I’m doing my hair like yours, I’m wearing your shirt, I’m wearing your underwear.

Kelly: I slept in your bed.

A couple of Single White Females, totally not making hair dolls

Katie: But what was super creepy about the episode is that we were supposed to think Melody was in an actual conundrum and not that the friend was SUPER STALKER MURDER CREEPY. It was so downplayed. AND Danny even wanted to date the Craigslist murderer!

Forgiving her friend’s psychopathic behavior and sweater choice

Kelly: So I just checked, and Single White Female didn’t come out until 1992. So clearly it was based on Hey Dude. Remember when people kept mistaking Melody and her friend because they were dressed the same and had the same hair? That is like THE plot of SWF.

THE plot of Single White Female

Katie: And remember when the friend tried to convince strangers that Melody was being mean to her and she should be cherished because she was a great friend?

Kelly: Yeah, she was asking GUESTS that. While they were stuffing bbq ribs into their pie holes.

Inappropriate quizzing of pie-hole-stuffing guests

Kelly: I’m going to go on and add to the Trivia section of imdb’s entry on SWF “Based on a super fucking inappropriate Hey Dude episode.”

Katie: It was most definitely based on this episode.

Kelly: Remember that Diff'rent Strokes episode where the sister gets kidnapped? And it was like, way heavy for kids and there was like a little commercial at the end with a help line. That’s what this should have been like. There should have been a 1-800 help line at the end. “Have you ever had someone make a hair doll of you? There’s help.”

Katie: “Has anyone tried to wear your sweater... at the same time you’re already wearing it? Call us.”

Kelly: "Has anyone ever shown up to your work and then moved in with you and said inappropriate things to your customers? You’re not alone.”

Katie: “Has anyone ever made you feel guilty because you wanted to watch your coworker’s once-in-a-lifetime national championship instead of eating cookies and braiding hair [most likely so that she could procure more hair for her hair doll]? Please, reach out to us.”

Kelly: "If someone ever sends you a threatening postcard and then gets angry when you aren’t aware of the fantasy friendship they’ve created in their own head, tell an adult.”

Katie: “If someone throws a fit because you won't quit your job to have an ice cream with them because that means ‘you don't love them,’ trust yourself and speak up.” I think it's safe to say this episode was insane.

The Wrap Up

What is your take-away from this show?

Katie: I think I pretty much had the world figured out when I was 7, or at least the dude ranch world.

Kelly: That it was cool to have a boy’s name if you were a girl. I didn’t talk about how I liked Brad over Melody, but I did.

Katie: As I kid I wanted to look like Melody but be as cool as Brad. I think I would still go for that combo.

Kelly: I would look like Brad and be as popular as Melody.

Which character would you be?

Kelly: I would be Brad cuz I like being a bitch. And I don’t want a stalker. And I like horses.

Katie: I would be Brad because she was independent AND she got to date Ted, but not until she was ready.

Who would be your Tiger Beat Pull-Out Poster?

Kelly: It def has to be Ted.

Katie: Yeah, def Ted. His replacement wasn’t terrible, but Ted was the original. And he almost had a mullet. And he wore shorts shorter than the girls.

Ted’s replacement, wearing entirely too many shirts

Would you watch “Hey Dude” again, for simple enjoyment?

Kelly: No I would not unless there were more stalker episodes and maybe a murder.

Katie: I would watch only the most disturbing episodes. And only episodes that lacked Mr. Ernst. And I would have to have a giant mug of wine ready to go.

Bimbi Count: 2

One for Melody and one for the Ken and Barbie couple that almost used the horse trough as a hot tub.